About

This is an explicit comedy podcast that comes in several flavors.

Presently, it's "Pornomedy"
where Monica Hamburg explores an assortment of odd user-named porn-titles, confounding tags, weird comments - and more!

Previously it's been:

- "Confined" she and a guest discussed strange and hilarious things she found on the net on "Confined"! Like especially bad porn tags & titles (#Pornomedy), peculiar products, strange spells, terrible t-shirts and more.

- Bizarre Craigslist ads on "Craigslost".


And there've been other itinerations. She's nothing if not consistent.

Monica's podcasts have been mentioned on The Huffington Post, Splitsider, won "Most Vulgar Canadian Podcast" and were selected for "New & Noteworthy" on iTunes a few times.

( "Episode List" here)
)

May 19, 2015

Gourmet Bedrooms for the Open Mature in Your Life

I received the following request on Twitter.







And I am nothing if not kind and helpful.

So I gave it a quick once-over. Originally, I thought there was some kind of "Mr. Subliminal" thing going on but, upon a second glance, it all made perfect sense:
"landscaping large garden signature w/garbage"
 Firstly, it's autographed by the garden, which is a nice. personal touch.

Then the garbage factor is also very positive. In a lot of these homes you have to bring in C.H.U.D.s
"sq. ft. walk in on hookups"
You can let the square/conservative fraternity guys you find on Tinder walk right in, rather using the same sewer the C.H.U.D.s come in through.
"with french BR 2 amenities fully Formal stools"
The casual stools might make the conservative hookups uncomfortable, hence the formal ones.
"an maple flooring downstairs practice size"
 Basically to see if you like the size. Then you can extend the room.
"built in center breakfast schools"
 You will learn to make a proper brunch!
"the home unbelievable subdivision living You energy right at open mature installed"
If you put positive vibes out, a horny MILF might move in.
"storage patio gourmet bountiful bedrooms Contemporary close landscaped mattresses"
Mattresses are hotbeds of public hair. The aforementioned celebrity garden will also find someone to "landscape" your mattress.
"cabinets screened Linens"
 Do you want to put linens on your bed that have not properly been screened? I think not!


Happy to be of assistance, PODestrian Crossing!

---

Want more Craigslist translations? Listen to the podcast!

Latest episode (next one's coming up soon!): A Craigslist poster tries to sell us on perverted therapy and another has a longing prelude to sex (maybe). Plus: voice-over ads and a crime news article. Episode 119.



Monica Hamburg - "Dazed and Convicted"


DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter: 
@monicahamburg @dazedconvicted 

Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted

April 4, 2015

119 - A Helping Spank and The Birds and the Beads

This time, one Craigslist poster tries to sell us on perverted therapy and another has a longing prelude to sex (maybe). Then there's a voice-over ad with such low expectations. And a second asking for help with a craaaazy plan!  And, speaking of craaaazy plans, I discuss a news article with a sex offender's completely non-transparent ruse...   

And it's still on: The contest to draw a worse logo of than the one this Fiverr guy drew of me. ( http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/  )

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Podcast MP3


------------------------------------------------------------------------

---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Host 
--Notes--

--Find All Episodes--

DazedandConvicted.com

Twitter@DazedConvicted, 
FacebookFacebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

Subscribe - options
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
Stitcher: 
http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
-----------------------------------------------------------------------


--Credits-- 

Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

MUSIC & SFX:







  • Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .
  • Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

  • Episode Photo (Below) = "Wireless Microphone" by Petr Kratochvil


    Sound effects

    1) Phone ring = “analogue_phone_ring_004.flac“  by lorenzosu
    2) “Hello” = “My sounds » hello.mp3 by AlucardsBride: http://freesound.org/people/AlucardsBride/sounds/173114/



  • *Demo reel credits:
    Clips from:
    1) Inverse Delirium #70 “Snob Appeal “ Inversedelirium.com
    2) Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects (Video Game)
    3) CSI: Miami (Video game) “Crack or Jack”
    4) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #111
    5)  Dazed and Convicted – Episode #94
    6) Dazed and Convicted - Episode #115
    Music: "Oppressive Gloom" by Kevin MacLeod ( incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
    7) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #107  
  • March 1, 2015

    118 - Massage Molester and An Inconvenient Orgy

    An ode to manipulative perversity! This episode our Craigslist demented posts include: A man with a soft unit, more "artistic" photographers, a self-professed dull couple who may decide to have an orgy, and another kind fellow offering to altruistically fondle you.  

    Also: The contest continues! Draw a worse logo of me than the one this Fiverr guy drew. ( http://instagram.com/p/ypJ9POoM3L/  )

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Podcast MP3


     
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ---Information and Links ---

    Site: DazedandConvicted.com

    Host 
    --Notes--

    --Find All Episodes--

    DazedandConvicted.com

    Twitter@DazedConvicted, 
    FacebookFacebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

    Subscribe - options
    iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
    RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
    Stitcher: 
    http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
    Soundcloud:
    https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
    ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------


    --Credits-- 

    Current Logo-- (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

    The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

    Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

    MUSIC & SFX:


  • Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .
  • Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0

  • Episode Photo (Below) = "Hand in Chains" by George Hodan







  • *Demo reel credits:
    Clips from:
    1) Inverse Delirium #70 “Snob Appeal “ Inversedelirium.com
    2) Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects (Video Game)
    3) CSI: Miami (Video game) “Crack or Jack”
    4) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #111
    5)  Dazed and Convicted – Episode #94
    6) Dazed and Convicted - Episode #115
    Music: "Oppressive Gloom" by Kevin MacLeod ( incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
    7) Dazed and Convicted – Episode #107  
  • February 3, 2015

    117 - Baby Got Flat

    This time from (mostly) Craigslist, we have: an ad from an adult baby, a VHS-dependent animal lover, a man with a great idea about your bum - and flatophiles!

    Plus: The logo that proves I'm from Hell...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Podcast MP3



    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ---Information and Links ---

    Site: DazedandConvicted.com

    Host 
    --Notes--


    Find All Episodes


    DazedandConvicted.com

    Twitter@DazedConvicted, 
    FacebookFacebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

    Subscribe - options
    iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
    RSS: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
    Stitcher: 
    http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sm-rants/dazed-and-convicted
    Soundcloud:
    https://soundcloud.com/monica-hamburg/sets/dazed-and-convicted-73-75-76 http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 
    ShiftyJelly/Pocket Casts: http://pcasts.in/dazedconvicted
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------


    Current Logo (i.e. The one that totally doesn't suck!) 

    The current logo is by artist Michael Ibrahim.

    Thanks to the lovely Nikki of "Everything and the Kitchen Sink" for asking him to do this!  ( https://www.facebook.com/EverythingAndTheKitchenSink )

    MUSIC & SFX:










  • Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .
  • Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0
  • "Little Bum" tune

  • Voice-Over Music -  Credit

    Episode Photo (Below) = "Baby Boy in Diaper" by Karen Arnold



    January 14, 2015

    116 - Telepathic Tata Touching and Phenomenal Flyer Fitness

    This is now the "new" Dazed and Convicted: Craigslist and other assorted horrors.

    Hear Bill quit!

    Also this time: Ads from breast psychics, delivery/exercise employers, a brand new killer product inventor - and more!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Podcast MP3


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ---Information and Links ---

    Site: DazedandConvicted.com

    Host 

    Find All Episodes

    DazedandConvicted.com

    Also on Soundcloud:

    Full Episodes 
    Minis

    Twitter@DazedConvicted, 
    FacebookFacebook.com/DazedandConvicted 

    Subscribe - options

    http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html 


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------


    MUSIC & SFX:



  • Theme (Intro & Outro): “One-eyed Maestro” by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0. .
  • Interstitials: “Sneaky Snitch” (various versions) and "Trick" by Kevin MacLeod are licensed under a CC Attribution 3.0.

    Bill Quitting Sounds



  • “bowling alley pins break 1.wav” by Tomlija  http://freesound.org/people/Tomlija/sounds/99563/


  • "crash.wav" by sagetyrle “http://freesound.org/people/sagetyrtle/sounds/40158/

  • Voice-Over Music -  Credit