99 - Killin' and a-Skatin' vs. Dine and Die

Kill your children after buying them food - or murder your wife before your dinner party?! Family meal time has never been more fraught with drama! 

This week two family-murderin' FTs are on deck - and we are so grateful that comedian Amber Nelson is able to evaluate them and determine the "FT of the Week".

Plus: An eloquent (and so, of course, pointless) Craigslist ad!

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Channel

We're part of the Pod Awful Channel.  Podawful.net

Host 

• Monica Hamburg

Co-Host

• Bill Allman

Guest Judge

• Amber Nelson can be found at: http://flavors.me/ambernelson
• She's on Facebook: Facebook.com/amber.nelson.9440 
• And on Twitter: @AmberSmelson   
• Her blog/Tumblr is: http://ambersophia.tumblr.com/ (She has erotic fiction about the creator of the Westboro Bapist Church, so go!) 
• Read more about her on this Time Out NY article.

Special Appearance 

• Our friend, "Malox The Mighty Expositor", in several sketch roles.

Info

• This week's stories: Just a Hip-Murdering Dad and Spoiling Your Appetite
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Toypop's Album Info

• The gal (Shiftypop) who did our wonderful theme song, interstitials and outro music has a CD out with her band ToyPop. you can get it on iTunes & Spotify.  Sample the greatness that is ToyPOP here: https://soundcloud.com/toypop

Check it 

• Episode 98 was so educational! We learned you can't further erode the marriage of the couple you're counseling and you can't rape your gynecology patients. So much to learn on Marrivorce Counseling vs. Gynomance!
• All episodes & guests - list here: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/full-guest-list_4.html 
• We're also on Soundcloud (Full episodes) (Just the Mini-casts)

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GENERAL SHOW NOTES

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Subscribe:

• Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
• iTunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413
• On Stitcher: http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
• Via Email (see: http://dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html)

FIND

More snarky and weird content via:

• Twitter: @DazedConvicted
• Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted
• Newsletter: http://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg
• I'm also on: the Podawful Channel Group: Facebook.com/groups/podawfulchannel/?fref=ts

BONUS CONTENT 

Sign up for the bonus content - on the Podawful Scrambled Channel. http://podawful.net/dazedandconvicted

More info here.

YOU ARE WELCOME TO:

• Email me: monica @ dazedandconvicted.com
• Tell me your choice for "FT of the Week" - comment on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)
• Please help us by sharing the show! (From this site, from Soundcloud etc.)
• Other ways to promote the show here: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/help-promote.html

THANKS TO:

Shiftypop for the theme song, interstitials and outro music. 

Calso Art for the logo/album art.

For: “Competitor 1” etc.: Voice = abcdawg  

Episode 99 uses many sounds from Freesound, for the full list see here.  

Photo (below) = In-line Skater by Rostislav Kralik

87 - Road Artistry vs. Pedo in a Cupboard

A stripper who does performance art on the highway and a misunderstood janitor living in the school cupboard...No one truly understands these poor souls' creativity or journey to enlightenment.

Thankfully, we have a man who seems to comprehend some of it and can ascertain the "FT of the Week": The World's Only White Male Comedian Jason Horton.

Plus:  Heavy Metal is more destructive than we assumed...

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

Channel

We're now a part of the Pod Awful Channel.  Podawful.net

Host 

• Monica Hamburg

Co-Host

• Bill Allman

Guest Judge

• Jason Horton's podcast: Two White Guys Podcast Twowhiteguys.tumblr.com/  
• You can find him on YouTube: youtube.com/user/jasonhorton 
• Find him on Twitter: @Jason_Horton and @TWGPodcast,
• On Facebook: Facebook.com/planethorton and Facebook.com/pages/Two-White-Guys-Podcast/ 

Special Appearance 

• Our friend, "Malox The Mighty Expositor", in several sketch roles.

Info

• This week's stories: Stripper Performance Art,  Cupboard Pedo. Plus: Heavy Metal disability.

Related episodes

• Jason's Two White Guy's Co-host, Jason Mattingly, was on Episode 74 - "The Gimp, The Goons, His Limb and His Ex-Lover"
• Last week's episode had Taylor Ketchum judging some very giving women.... On Episode 86 - Attempted Murder LOL vs. Enjoyed My Gift YOLO. 
• Full episode list here: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/full-guest-list_4.html

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GENERAL SHOW NOTES

GET IT. FAST.

Subscribe:

• Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
• New iTunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413
• On Stitcher: http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
• Via Email (see: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html)

FIND

More snarky and weird content via:

• Twitter: @DazedConvicted
• Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted
• Newsletter: http://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg

YOU ARE WELCOME TO:

• Email me: monica @ dazedandconvicted.com
• Tell me your choice for "FT of the Week" - comment on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)
• Help promote the show: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/help-promote.html

THANKS TO: 

Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) for the pieces Light Thoughts and Easy Lemon (used in the 3rd sketch) 

Mike Koenig for the “Slide/Sliding”sound 

Shiftypop for the theme song, interstitials and outro music. 

Calso Art for the logo/album art.

For: “Competitor 1” etc.: Voice = abcdawg  and music by beatscribe 

Episode 87 uses many sounds from Freesound, for the full list see here.

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Below: Man Waiving by Petr Kratochvil

81 - Flee From the Travelling Turk or Scream for the Ice Cream Lady

******We're back on iTunes - now at a new link: Please subscribe (or resubscribe): https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 ******

We have some persistent FTs this time around: A guy whose chance meeting with a gal - who doesn't want him - leads him on an 8 month sea odyssey...  And a lady who solves her problems with men in a manner that is unique - and intricate.

Thankfully Jarrod Harris is here to provide enlightenment and judgement!  Who will be the "FT of the Week"? Tune in and find out!

Plus: No bones about it, this chick is warped.

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---Information and Links ---

Site: DazedandConvicted.com

• List of the Guest Judges & their episodes here!

Co-Host

• Bill Allman

Guest Judge

• Jarrod Harris' site: Jarrodharris.com
• He's on Twitter: @jarrodharris  
• On Facebook: Facebook.com/JarrodHarrisComedy 

Info

• This week's stories: Obsessive Turk, Ice Cream Lady - plus: Sexy Lady. 

Related episodes

• Last week, we had a man who liked to watch his co-workers go to the bathroom.  Also: his excuse for why he did it was terrible: Episode 80 - Penney Peeper vs. Poser for Piggybacks.

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GENERAL SHOW NOTES

GET IT. FAST.

Subscribe:

• Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
• New iTunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413
• On Stitcher: http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
• Via Email (see: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html)

FIND

More snarky and weird content via:

• Twitter: @DazedConvicted
• Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted

• Newsletter: http://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg

YOU ARE WELCOME TO:

• Email me: monica @ dazedandconvicted.com
• Place your VOTE! For your choice for "FT of the Week". http://poll.fm/4087e (Or comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)
• Help promote the show: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/help-promote.html

THANKS TO:

• Sloan Garrett for the great ad! He wrote, produced and voiced it himself. <3
• Shiftypop for the new theme song, interstitial and outro music:  
• Calso Art for the new logo/album art.
• For: “Competitor 1” etc.: Voice = abcdawg  
• Contributors on Freesound.org - Episode 81 uses many sounds from freesound, for the full list see here.  

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Photo below: Boat At Sea by veronica söderberg

73 - Rotten Soda Turned Me into a Pedophile!

Drinking can be harmful. Of course, you're aware of that.  But there are some things you may not know.
Whether it's alcohol or bad soda(?!) we feel it's important our audience be informed about the following (often overlooked) dangers of beverage consumption:

Groggy child molesting and rabid nut biting.

Please consume responsibly.

Thankfully, Will Hines is here as the Guest Judge to evaluate who truly deserves to be crowned  "FT of the Week".

Plus: Grandchildren can be real pains...
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---Information and Links ---

Guest Co-Host

• Bill Allman

Guest Judge

• Will Hines can be found at WillHines.net 
• Find him on Twitter: @WillHines
• On Facebook: Facebook.com/WillHines

Info

• This week's stories: Bad Soda and Nut Biting Romance + Corrupting Grandma

Thanks to:

• Shiftypop  for the Dazed and Convicted theme song and outro music: 
• Calso Art for the new logo/album art: 

Attribution:

• Door slamming (& closing) sound by Payattention on Freesound.org  
• Sci fi sound by ERH on Freesound.org  
• “It had to be you” sample  
• Phone sound in last sketch/song is by Razzvio on Freesound.org 
• The dial tone sound is by hyderpotter on Freesound.org

Related episodes

• Last week, a couch molestor and a peeping tom+ duked it out for the title! On Episode 72: "Love Song for a Couch" - with Travis Clark. 
• More mind-melting excuses are tagged as "excuses". 

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GENERAL SHOW NOTES (UPDATED)

• TO GET IT. FAST.  Please Subscribe
  • Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
  • iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dazed-convicted-formerly-s/id436670413 
  • On Stitcher too: http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
  • Email and other options here: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html
FIND

More snarky and weird content on:
• Twitter: @DazedConvicted
• Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted


OTHER INFO:



• I'll be sending out a monthly newsletter (soon) containing additional weirdness. https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg
• And to email me, send to: monica @ dazedandconvicted.com  

YOUR VOTE:

You can place your VOTE! For your choice for "FT of the Week". http://poll.fm/3yr5i

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)
THANKS TO:

• Shiftypop  for the new theme song and outro music: 
• Calso Art for the new logo/album art.

Episode 53 - Hell Hath No Fury Like a Man With a Peed-on Computer or a Buddy Who's Had More Sex

Things that might push you over the edge: Getting fired, your partner breaking up with you, a cat urinating on your computer, arguing about how much sex you have.  Wait, what were those last two?
This week's FTs are a baffling bunch - and the extra weirdness in the articles doesn't help things any...
So we are most grateful to Comedian Matt Davis who lends us his wit and brilliance to decide our "FT of the Week".
Plus: Spasmodic film descriptions.
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---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Matt Davis at DavisComedy.com, on Facebook (Facebook.com/ComedianMattDavis) and on Twitter (@mattdavis) 
• My "bad girl" comment refers to Matt's very amusing post: "Yes, I like bad girls, Facebook. Now stop it."    

Other Joy

• Stories: violence incited by Cat Pee and Sex Talk (should the cat pee link not work here are the exceptional pics.)
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Bicycle”).  He has lots of cool royalty-free music, so check it out. 
• Wonder about other FTed things that inspired violent acts...? You'll learn just how dangerous a Facebook unfriending can be on Episode 42 - "When you Friend an FT, You Friend for Life"" with Eli Braden.
• Last week, we featured... well the title sums up the prime FTery on display: "Episode 52 A Loving Pastor and Killer vs. A Cheesemaking Murderer and Politician!" - with Sam Tripoli.
• And Derek Sheen's Kickstarter project is at: http://kck.st/dereksheen.  Actually, less than 5 days to go! Make a pledge!  (Derek's episode with us is #50, btw.)

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

CONTACT/FIND US:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!   
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 41 - Flashy Knifing and Cards for a Criminal

(Note: Another unusual episode.  We usually have a Guest Judge deciding on our weirdos.  So, if you're listening for the first time, try starting with Episode 34, 29 or 35.)
Knife people for not wanting to see your boobs or get your elementary students to make cards for your jailbird boyfriend?  Sure, no one's killed or kidnapped or set fire to anything this time, but our contenders are still complete FTs nonetheless.
Not the standard show today as our intended guest got sick and we must bear the burden of deciding the "FT of the week" ourselves.
Plus:

• An Aussie man improvs a lady-focussed "erotic" fantasy
• (After our outro:) A man pleads for sex.  But not in the conventional way.  
• And draw your own perverted conclusions re: the new StumbleUpon logo. 

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• Monica was on Delicious Mediocrity recently.  Listen to the episode here.
• Want balance? There are men doing stupid stuff in our last episode "My FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber).   

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• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

---

We're on Stitcher Now:
http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)
GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants
CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week".
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Episode 37 - Door-to-door Sexman vs. Maternity Wear Pickup Artist

Women! They're so difficult to understand!  How can one possibly gage what seduction technique will work on them?  That's why it's important to confuse the ladies by having a completely unique approach.  This week's FTs redefine original.  One gives gals the choice of magazines or sex while another dresses in women's maternity gear to woo.  Foolproof!   
Monica desperately needs help to determine our "FT of Week" and so her mom returns to judge the FTness. 
And: we have some sexual hypnosis for you...   _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

• Related creeps you might like:  A man who went door-to-door checking breasts (Episode 27 - "Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!" with Jackie Gold)) and a guy who tried to seduce kids - in his own apartment building (Episode 24 -"Get Oiled, Get Licked, Get Arrested, Get Shot Up the A!" with Brian Brushwood)    
• And we refer to our Eastern European porn proposal which is in Episode 34 "What's the answer? Get Naked! What's the question? Who cares!" 

  

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Please vote for your choice for "FT of the Week" (Use the poll, comment, twitter us, Facebook us, email us etc.  Info and links below.)
 

Please: SUBSCRIBE

And rate/review us on iTunes. (remember: it's not shite.)
(Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).
 

We're on Stitcher Now: 

http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :) 

MORE INSANITY:
Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)  

Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.   
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 

Episode 31 - Fake a Rape to Move to a Better Neighborhood or a Mugging to Placate Your Wife!

So... say you don't feel safe where you're living but your spouse is cool with the neighborhood - or you couldn't get your wife tickets to the final Oprah taping and know she'll be disappointed... Experts often suggest something like "communication" to resolve such situations.  But that is not the road an FT wants to take! After all, communication takes time and may not guarantee results. So why not fake a rape or assault? 

Because nothing brings two people closer than drama, dishonesty and FTedness!   Our esteemed Guest Judge is the fantastic comedian Jay Larson who uses his talent to crown our weekly FT winner.  He is joined by The Lurker... (Find out the identity of The Lurker by clicking here.)
And we learn how to talk dirty to a man from a wannabe Barry White. 
Buy Jay Larson's new album on iTunes or Amazon! 
And vote for your "favorite" FT(s) from this episode! (also below).

Subscribe, please! And rate us. Use any podcast service etc. (feed is here)  including  iTunes  - and please tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  And (most especially if you like us) review us on iTunes.
Twitter: @rantmehard / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants /
New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  / Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com ) / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)