71 - Parks and Recreation XXX

Hey, some people get off in the privacy of their own home. Amateurs! This week's FTs are public self-pleasuring experts. And they know how dull it is to wank it when you don't have a target... you need to find someone to aim your spunk at: be it a suntanner or that gal you're training at the gym.

Who said FTs were subtle creatures?

We're so fortunate to have Bobbie Oliver as our Guest Judge to figure out who truly merits the title of "FT of the Week".

Plus: Did you know that cats can make you decent coin? Especially dead, imaginary ones!

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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Bobbie Oliver is at (http://bobbieoliver.net ) 
• Find ther on Twitter: (@thebobbieoliver)
• On Facebook:  Facebook.com/TheBobbieOliver     
• Her podcast is:  Psychedelicatessen  

Info

• This week's stories: Park Wanker and Gym Rat. 
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Kool Kats"). His site has tons of great, royalty-free tunes.  

Related episodes

• Pervs abound! We have a number of sleazy pervs on the following episodes tagged, logically, "perverts".  Including one (#37) where Monica talks to her Mom about some prize deviants... 
• And, last week, VENGEANCE was our theme: with a gal who called in an airline bomb threat to get revenge on her boyfriend - and another extreme overreactor... Episode 70: "Cape FT" - with the guys from "Sweet Feathery Jesus". 
• P.S. Just put up a list of the Guest Judges we're had so far & their episode links here! 

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GENERAL SHOW NOTES

GET IT. FAST.

• Please Subscribe: http://feeds.feedburner.com/DazedAndConvicted
• On Stitcher too: http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
• Email and other options here: http://www.dazedandconvicted.com/p/subscribe.html
  
FIND

More snarky and weird content on:
• Twitter: @DazedConvicted
• Facebook: Facebook.com/DazedandConvicted
  


OTHER INFO:



• I'll be sending out a monthly newsletter (soon) containing additional weirdness. https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg
  
• And to email me, send to: monica @ dazedandconvicted.com  

YOUR VOTE:

You can place your VOTE! For your choice for "FT of the Week". http://poll.fm/3yr5i

(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

THANKS TO:

• Shiftypop  for the new theme song and outro music: 
• Anthony Vincent for the new interstitial (rant, rant, rants): 
• Calso Art for the new logo/album art.

70 - Cape FT

Revenge,  It's the plot of so many films... Take Cape Fear, for example.  A man spends 14 years in prison and he blames his lawyer - so he takes his fury out on the man's family.
Well, this week's real-life FTs are like that but also...well, not.
Here: a gal calls in a bomb threat when her boyfriend breaks up with her - and another balanced lady post a sexual profile of the gal who gave her restaurant a bad review.
Thankfully, we have the guys from the "Sweet Feathery Jesus" Podcast (Booze, Belasco and Dr. P.) as our Guest Judges to provide insight on the madness help us understand - and decide on the "FT of the Week".
Plus: Beware of #CRAYZEETWYTERZ
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---Information and Links ---
Guests 

• Hear: The Sweet Feathery Jesus podcast: Sweetfeatheryjesus.com
• Find them on Twitter: (Main & Booze: @sfjdotcom and Belasco = @Jeffasu, Dr. P. = @BeTheCatfish  
• On Facebook: Facebook.com/sfjdotcom    
• And: Monica's on one of their ".5" episodes... 55.5 - "Festivities".   

Info

• This week's stories: Review Revenge and Breakup Bomb-Threat.
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Mad Pianist"). His site has tons of great, royalty-free tunes.  

Related episodes

• More creative solutions - such as a woman who tried to strangle her daughter's classmate and a dude who posted a sexual profile of his kid's high school Assistant Principal... on Episode 56: "An Eye for An Eyelash" with the guys from "I Am Idiot" Podcast.  
• And, last week, strange and active days for a guy, his gal... and a car... "Episode 69: Birthday Break vs. Crime Car" with Aalgar and Matt of "Sarcastic Voyage". 

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SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. Show them you're hip  - or deranged!)
SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)  

68 - Hide and Go Screwy

Gals! You like 'em, you want to be around 'em... But what if they don't want you?
Sure, the average guy might just pack it in and call it a day - but a truly determined one would unpack and call it home.
This week, two guys who moved in to their love's pad - without her permission or knowledge. Because there's nothing MORE romantic (or manly) than just being there. Always. Under the stairs.
Fortunately, Comedian Cameron Buchholtz is able to assess the pathos and decide the "FT of the Week".
Plus: "Erotic" stuff: a SUPER straight guy! (Remember that!) And a German boy (or something) gets it on (or something).  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
 

---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Cameron Buchholtz can be found at CameronBuchholtz.com, on Twitter (@cbuchholtz) and on Facebook.
• His podcast is CB Radio (CBRadioComedy.com. Get it on iTunes. 

Info

• This week's stories: Bunker Guy, Trailer Man
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Sneaky Adventure"). His site has tons of great, royalty-free tunes.  

Related episodes

• We talked about 2 guys with unusual techiques to woo on "Episode 40 - My FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine
• Last week, John Cullen assessed two EXTREME liars - including a pair who lied about a non-existant missing child to get a ride home after drinking... on Episode 67 - Fantasy FTland 

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---

SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. Show them you're hip  - or deranged!)
SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)  

67 - Fantasy FTland

Sometimes it's difficult to figure out the right course of action.
Say you're drunk and could use a ride home - you might simply ask a driver to do you a solid - but you can pretty much ensure a ride if you claim your (non-existent) child has been kidnapped. And what if you get stood up on a date? You could confront your date and tell him he's a louse - but wouldn't your frustration be conveyed more effectively if you got him arrested for a crime he didn't commit?
Comedian John Cullen judges the weirdness and decides the "FT of the Week", and we couldn't be more thankful.
Plus: Parking lot fragrance sampling!
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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• John Cullen is on Twitter (@cullenthecomic) 
• He'll be performing at Yuk Yuks Vancouver October 11-13th. 

Info

• This week's stories: Lie to Ride, Stand up gal  
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Sunshine version 2"). His site has tons of great, royalty-free tunes.  

Related episodes

• He discussed a guy who lied about the KKK targetting his family - to save his marriage! On Episode 29 - Better Relationships Through Arrests and the KKK! with Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox (of "Read it and Weep").
• More episodes highlighting extreme fibbers - including tales about ghosts strangling the wife, hostage takings to avoid admitting drunkeness, and a rape to change neighborhoods - tagged as: "lies"!   
• Last week,Graham Kay decided between two unique perverts on "Episode 66 - Naked out of Consideration vs Cross-Dressing to Molest"

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SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. Show them you're hip  - or deranged!)
SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)  

66 - Naked out of Consideration vs Cross-Dressing to Molest

Figuring out how to truly enact your fetish isn't easy. It requires plausible excuses, excellent planning and a whole lot of whacked-outness.
Well, these FTs got one out of the three right...
We have a man who hung out in a neighbor's house naked - and a dude who dresses like an old lady to do some groping.
Sometimes pervyness and desperation are all the things you've got
and just when you think you're all by yourself, you're not.
We're grateful to have Comedian Graham Kay to decide on this week's "FT of the week"!
Plus: Zombie ranty casting notices...
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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Graham Kay is at ComedyByTheGraham.com, on Twitter (@GrahamKayComedy) and Facebook (Facebook.com/graham.kay.338)   
• Graham's podcast is: The SportyBoyz  

Info

• This week's stories: Naked "non-robber", Cross-dressing pedophile.  
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Batty McFaddin"). His site has lots of fantastic, royalty-free tunes.  

Related episodes

• We have a whole bunch of episodes highlighting perverts! Try #37 with Monica's Mom as the Guest Judge: "Door-to-door Sexman vs. Maternity Wear Pickup Artist"  
• More perverts on Episodes: 64, 59, 48, 37, 34 & 28.  All those can be found under the appropriate tag of "perverts". 
• I reference Episode 60 which has more of the Zombie guys casting postings. 
• Last week, we had Jon Shefsky and Johnny Skourtis on who weighed in on some crazy pastors on "Episode 65 - A Kick in the Face May Be Quite Therapeutic But Trauma is a Gal's Best Friend".

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SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. Show them you're sick too!)
SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

64 - Professor Pie and the Drive-Through Delinquent

Corrupt your job - FT-style!
We should have learned (after Episode 48) that the most appropriate place for perverted illegal acts is, of course, your workplace!
Look, work is where you spend most of your time and when you add your fetish to your job, you enjoy it that much more.
And so, this week, we feature a professor who shares his passion with his students and a fast-food worker who gives some patrons what they really want.
Fortunately, Comedian Jessica Sager can lend us her wisdom and decide the "FT of the week".
Plus: Stabbing over a Cosmo Quiz.  (Which sounds about right, actually.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------


---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Jessica Sager is on Twitter (@ohheyjessager) and Facebook (Facebook.com/ohheyjesssager ).
• There's a cool interview with her on the "It's a Horrible Life" blog.

Info

• This week's stories: Drive-through, Professor Pie Fetish   
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Jarvic8"). His site has a whole whack of awesome, royalty-free tunes.   
• More workplace perversion on Episode 48 - Look, If You're Going to Get All Irrational About My Junk...  - with Cort Webber and Fatboy Roberts.
• And another pervie teacher on "Episode 34 - What's the answer? Get Naked! What's the question? Who cares!" with Glenn Tickle.   

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SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. Show them you're sick too!)
SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 62 - Ooops There Goes Another Baby Go Splat

Look, nobody said you'd love your kids once you had them.
Wait - everybody says that...
Well, this week the competitors are two gals who realized they weren't up for the task of child-rearing - only once they were considerably entangled. So they found some interesting ways of dealing with their problem.
Thankfully, Comedian Julian Kross is here to contemplate these FTs and weigh in on who merits the title of "FT of the week".
Plus: We learn about the hottest place to be!
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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Julian Kross is at (Juliankross.com) and can be found on Facebook (Facebook.com/JulianKrossComedy) and on Twitter (@JulianKross).   
• He has a book: "What You Didn't Expect When You Got Knocked Up" available on Amazon. Buy it to avoid being a FT we profile on the show. 

Info

• This week's stories: Attentive Mother, Highway Watcher  
• Thanks to Pete Mosley for the outro music: The Clemence Mosley Consort with their tune :"Crooked House" - from the album “MacGuffin” (iTunes)  
• The dying sound-effect my cruel song is "dying" - Recorded by Mike Koenig via Soundbible 
• Last week, one guy blames his gropping gals on... caffeine. Episode 61 - My Coffee Made Me Gropey and Other Tales of Woe - with Tom Simmons.  

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SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. They deserve it.)
SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 60 - Jailhouse Rock vs. Irresistible Department Store

Loving yourself is essential.  Of course, it might be prudent to conduct your hot self-action, in private.
Or you could whip it out at as you leave jail for court - or at Zeller's.  That's cool too, Bro.
The wonderful Comedian Eric Fell returns to Guest Judge, deciding the "FT of the Week"!
Plus: Upcoming hit films!
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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Eric Fell can be found on Facebook ( Facebook.com/ericfell) and on Twitter ( @EricFell ).  He's in the Critical Hit Show: "A Live Dugeons and Dragon Experience".  And here he is reading from "Breaking Dawn" (at "Say Wha?!").

Info

• This week's stories: Jailer, Zeller's Man  
• Thanks to Pete Mosley for the outro music: The Clemence Mosley Consort with their tune :"MacGuffin" - from the album “MacGuffin” (iTunes)  
• Last week, we discussed some crazy spirit action! Episode 59 "The Spirits Request that You Do Porn" - with Paul Hooper. 
• Eric Fell was also on Episode 28 - "Turn Your Feces to Gold or Frame a Bear for Murder.

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SHOW NOTES etc. on:
          RantMeHard.com
          (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. They deserve it.)

SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes: a positive review for us protects from the bath salt zombie apocalypse!  
• If you use Stitcher Radio we are there too!
  Please help us promote by sharing the show using the 1-click Facebook, Twitter and Email icons on the Stitcher app.
• You can use any podcast service to subscribe, btw - feed is here).

GET MORE FT action!
We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

FIND THE HOSTS:

Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) 

Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)

OTHER INFO:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!   
 Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants 
 You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)  
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 55 - Bushy Arsonist vs. Lessons from a Lamebrain

***Note: An unusual episode this time as we don't have a guest. Still, there's lots of fun insanity. 
Of course, if you're listening for the first time, you might want to try another one first, like #53 or #52, to get a better idea of the show (Links below.)***
---
Ah, good planning.... Never the hallmark of a FT...
These guys are no exception.  One sets a fire - but neglects to consider a key element... Another decides to teach his friend how not to become a victim - by arming himself and breaking into his place.
Since we are guest-less it's up to you to decide our "FT of the Week"! Contact us via Twitter, Facebook, Comment/Vote below or email us with your verdict and reasoning.
Plus: Learn how helpful lasers can be when it comes to your branch or weapon! - AND – An erotic tranny story written by… Kanye West?
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---Information and Links ---
Info

• You can find the Alchemy request I refer to in the intro, on this post.
• This week's stories: bushy arsonist, armed "teacher" 
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme ("Chee Zee Jungle").  He offers lots of cool royalty-free music on his site.
• The busy signal is from SoundJay.com
• Here are the links to Episodes #53 and #52, if this is your first time here and you want to try out an episode or two.
• Want more terrible planners? We have a few with bad plans and a complete lack of back-up plans on "Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob?"with Dave Ross.
• Last week, we talked about gals who wanted MORE.  (More jail time!) "Episode 54 - Double Your Pleasure with Double the Felony!" - with Darcy Michael. 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom to judge!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

CONTACT/FIND US:

Site: RantMeHard.com (Tell your inappropriate friends about us. Please.)
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg containing additional weirdness.
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Our (fairly unused) Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 51 - Call the Cops on Yourself or Arrange a Trade with Your Victims

Two more rules (for our Continuing Ed course on "Crime 101"): Don't call the cops on yourself, and assume that your victims won't be enthused about making a trade with you...
If this information surprises you - you may just be a FT!
Our Guest Judge this week is Comedian Chris Gore (of PodCRASH and many other things) and we could not be more relieved to have him sort out the FTedness for our "FT of the Week"!
Plus: a "straight", quick erotic story.
And, after the outro, we have a fun ringtone for you...
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---Information and Links ---

Guest 

• Find Chris Gore at ChrisGore.com, on Facebook (personal: Facebook.com/ThatChrisGore, page: http://www.facebook.com/ILikeChrisGore), and on Twitter (@ThatChrisGore) 
• Chris' podcast is PodCRASH! 
• His new stop-motion animated comedy series (about dolls who work at a dungeon) is FetishVIL (FetishVil.com/) (Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/FetishVIL, Twitter: (@FetishVIL) 

Other Joy

• Stories: Fire call and Trade 
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”). 
• The ringtone music (after outro) uses this sound from Freesound.org: "Dance Synth" by usinggarageband (Freesound.org/people/usinggarageband)  (Find the tone on our "Ringtone" page)
• Wondering what our intro - and the ringtone music is all about?  You'll find out on last week's (special and longer) episode: "Episode 50 - Such Photographic FTs" with Derek Sheen. 
• We featured a story about a man trying to get his gun back from his victims on Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob? 

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: ever positive rating for us - is a vote for freedom and judgement.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants

CONTACT/FIND US:

Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our (coming eventually) newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!   
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 49 - Choke, Rattle and Roll

You really question your life when you find yourself envious of FTs... But these guys just have so much energy!
They manage to commit several crimes in a very short period of time. And really bizarre, nonsensical ones at that.  Needless to say, the acts include nudity, theft, violence and feces.  No, wait - that did need to be said.
Caleb Bacon of "The Gentlemen's Club with Caleb Bacon" podcast brings his expertise to us as this week's Guest Judge.
But, who will he decide is the "FT of the Week"?
Plus: Cure cancer the perverted fake doctor way!
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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Find Caleb Bacon (Calebbacon.com) on Facebook (Facebook.com/calebbacon) and on Twitter (@CalebEatsBacon)
• The Gentlemen's Club is (GentlemensClubPodcast.com) and on Facebook (facebook.com/gentlemensclubpodcast and twitter (@gentlemens) 

Other Joy

• Stories: 11 felonies, Crash and Attack 
• And the new cancer cure.
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Harlequin”).
•  I totally forgot who sent the story about Overachieveing FT #1. So sorry! Remind me and I will thank you next week.   
• Last week we learned about how to pick up gals while on the job... if you're a FT: Episode 48: "Look, If You're Going to Get All Irrational About My Junk" with Cort Webber and Fatboy "Bobby" Roberts of "Cort & Fatboy"

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SUBSCRIBE!

• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:

Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants
CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!  
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 47 - Dress for Success!

How best to appear as though you've not committed a crime?
Should you run shirtless through the woods and then say you were doing it for a wedding - or simply show up at your victim’s house wearing the very items you stole?
Absolutely! If you're a FT...
These contenders are so stunningly clueless – and we’re lucky to have actor and writer Brendan Bradley to decide our "FT of the Week”.
Plus: Math questions created by the brothers Grimm?

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---Information and Links ---
Guest 

• Find Brendan Bradley: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/brendanabradley), Twitter (@BrendanABradley), and at BrendanABradley.com.  Watch Brendan in Felicia Day/The Guild’s new video: "I'm the One That's Cool".  And check out his “Squadcast” podcast and webseries at SquattersTheSeries.com.     

Other Joy

• Stories: Woods, Clothing
• Trauma Math 
• Thanks for the Outro Music, "Mosquito", Mark Terry II and Jace Jope of RATNIKH (On YouTube )   
• We mention the questions we created for the online exam of cat beater - that was in Episode 40 - "FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine" with the guys from Ear Candy (Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber). 
• Learn about how to make your finances and romantic life better - by robbing the gal who fancies you! On Episode 46 - "Can't Help Robbing That Girl of Mine" with Douglas Gale.  

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• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: if you don't review us well - the FTs win!.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

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GET MORE FT action! We post more morons and weird content on:
Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants
CONTACT/FIND US:
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Get our newsletter https://tinyletter.com/monicahamburg for additional weirdness!   
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!  
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.  
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll below)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 46 - Can't Help Robbing That Girl of Mine

Forget all you've learnt about financial acquisition! Eschew investing in property!
The key to wealth (or at least a few thousand bucks) is to pursue a woman and then, eventually, take her stuff.
Sure, it takes some effort but a FT has no shortage of energy.  Just logic.
Comedian Douglas Gale joins to provide his verdict on the "FT of the Week".
Plus: we learn about moons, growing...and... brides.

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---Links and Info:---
Guests 

• Find Douglas Gale: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/hyphen.dot), Twitter (@DouglasWFail) (& Etsy (ShowerArt.net)  

• Stories: Rob her house, Take her car   
• Moons, Growing, Brides   
• Outro Music: The Clemence Mosley Consort, From the album “MacGuffin”  (iTunes)
• And the Delicious Mediocrity show with Monica is Episode 84.   
• Want to learn some fascinating alibis? Check out Episode 45 - "The Best Defense is a Good... Lie About Yogurt or Ghosts" with Chris Laker.

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• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: a positive review for us will mean you'll be safe from any potential FT invasion!  Well, we can't promise - but we'll try to help.)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

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GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:
Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants
CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 45 - The Best Defense is a Good... Lie About Yogurt or Ghosts

If you kill (or try to kill) someone and don't want to cop to it, you could always go with the old-stand-by: "It wasn't me". But as we've learned, FTs are nothing if not creative.
Why not use your urge for dairy products as an alibi or blame a ghost for the crime! The possibilities for FT lies are infinite!
We are thrilled to have Comedian Chris Laker on the show to lend his expertise in deciding the "FT of the Week".
Plus: we have a guy who has mastered both chewing and oral sex...

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Links and Info:

• Find Chris Laker: at ChrisLaker.com, on Twitter (@chrislaker), at Douchechillz.com and on The New York City Crime Report with Pat Dixon. 
• Stories: Yogurt, Ghost.  
• Deep and meaningful oral sex instructional.
• Thanks to Kevin Macleod at Incompetech.com for today’s outro theme (“Professor and the Plant”).
• Hear more FT creativity in action in: "Episode 37" Door-to-door Sexman vs. Maternity Wear Pickup Artist" with Monica's mom.
• Robbery is hard! Discover just how hard in "Episode 44 - Buy Back Your Gun From Your Victims or Withdraw Money from the Bank You Just Tried to Rob" with Dave Ross?
 

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• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: e a positive review for us will mean you'll be fully protected from rabid vaginas when they inevitably attack!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  
• We're also on Stitcher Radio! 

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GET MORE FTs! We post more weird content on:
Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants
CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week". (See poll above)
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.) 

Episode 40 - My FT Valentine. Deranged, Psycho Valentine

Update: Originally the feed picked up only the *ringtone* for this episode - it should have the full episode (33 minutes+) there now.
--Show Description:--
How shall you win your love back?  What plan will get her back in your arms forever? You can't say you've tried everything unless you've burned down her brother's property or staged beng kidnapped by a gang!
Tip: in the world of FTs you are awarded bonus points for originality and drama!
We're excited to have Adam Hiniker and Vance Barber from the Ear Candy podcast as our Guest Judges for this episode, to analyse these specimens and determine our "FT of the Week".
Plus: A man fails his exam because of a cat. (Who hasn't been there...)
And we have your new ringtone...

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• Follow Ear Candy  on Twitter (@earcandynewyork) and Facebook.  (Vance Barber's also on Twitter as @vancejbarber)
• There's more bad romance on Episode 29 "Better Relationships Through Arrests and the KKK!" with Alex Falcone and Ezra Fox of "Read it and Weep". 

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• SUBSCRIBE!
• Rate and Review us on iTunes (remember: every positive review you give us makes us bolder and more powerful!)
• (Use any podcast service to subscribe - feed is here).  

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We're on Stitcher Now:
http://stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=19756
So you can now listen anyway you darn well please! :)
GET MORE FTs! On:
Twitter: @rantmehard
Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants
CONTACT/FIND US:
Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us! Good and hard!
Email: info @ rantmehard.com  (or shane@ or monica@ rantmehard.com )
Shane Birley: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter )
Monica Hamburg: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter)
Tell your inappropriate friends about us: rantmehard.com.
Our Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants
You can place your VOTE!
For your choice for "FT of the Week".
(You are also welcome to comment about them on Twitter, Facebook, via email etc.)

Episode 27 - Doctor Fondler and the Facebook Oral Prankster!

Who knew FTs could be so helpful?! They’re ready to show up at your door just to check your breasts and prepared to offer you a free massage via Facebook! They’s so cuddly!
As usual, we are stumped: how can we possibly decide who will wear the FT crown this week? We are honored to have Comedian Jackie Gold as our Guest Judge to help work through our “FT of The Week” conundrum! And we have a man talking dirty confusing.
Follow: Jackie Gold on Twitter (@iamjackiegold) and on Facebook
Plus: You can now vote for the FTs!   (Below)




Subscribe on iTunes:   Rate us highly!  And please tell your inappropriate friends about us - the easy link to this site is: bit.ly/rantmehard 
Twitter: @rantmehard  / Facebook: Facebook.com/sandmrants  / New Google+ Page: gplus.to/sandmrants  / Voicemail line: via Skype: rantmehard Rant us!  About whatever you like!  / Email: Monica (dot) Hamburg + SM (at) gmail.com / Shane: Shanesworld.ca (@ShaneBee on Twitter ) / Monica: YourDoseofLunacy.com (@MonicaHamburg on Twitter) - Naw, we're not desperate for your attention...